Stuff! SO much information can often make you feel overwhelmed and lost. Write down a list of your priorities just for today and a list for tomorrow etc. Put everything you don’t need away until tomorrow, tomorrow is another day!
If you find your family’s well meant advice more pressurising than helpful, why not ask your health visitor for information or a leaflet to support what you know is updated info and share it gently. What was right then might not be right for you now and that’s ok.
On tiring and tough days its always worth remembering that you only need to be a “good enough” parent. Good enough is good enough, the perfect parent doesn’t exist and never will exist
Words of wisdom about how to love your body 1. Your body is in flux for the rest of your life. Think of your body as fluid instead of static — it’s always going to change. So get comfortable with those changes. 2. No one will love you or not love you because of your body. You are lovable because you’re you, not because your body looks a certain way. 3. The most intensely personal relationship you’ll ever have is with your body. It’s a lifelong relationship that’s well worth investing in and nurturing the same way you would with loved ones. (taken from: http://www.thefrisky.com)
A great Australian article that looks at the impact and talks to mums about sex before their baby arrived and how things have changed. It looks at ways to re-ignite the flame. x http://www.bellybelly.com.au/sex-relationships/sex-after-baby-%20what-will-happen-to-my-sex-life-with-baby#.Ujdh2BYuOlI
A great link about how they work and the safety considerations http://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby/amber-teething-necklaces#.UjdgbxYuOlI
Freecycle, Gumtree and Trash Nothing are great sites for finding good pre-loved and excellent condition baby and children’s goods and equipment etc. www.freecycle.org, www.gumtree.co.uk,www.trashnothing.com
Bargain hunt. NCT Autumn nearly new sales will soon be on, a great way to afford baby equipment, toys and clothes. Open to everyone find your nearest branch sale here http:// www.nct.org.uk/branches/events/nearly-new-sales
Babies on the move, now your little one can roll or crawl keeping them safe from hazards in the home is essential. One idea is to get down on the floor at your babies eye level to see any potential danger spots. A home and garden safety checklist here http:// www.rospa.com/homesafety/Info/home-garden-safety-checklist.pdf
Check out these links for information on attachment www.thebowlbycentre.org.uk www.centreforattachment.co.nz
If you feel like ships that pass in the night, why not try this simple exercise. Let each person speak without interruption 5 minutes about your little one. 5 mins about how you each are feeling. 1 positive statement about how proud you are of your partner as a parent
Check out this site for a gentle video about postnatal depression by a world renowned expert, Kathleen Kendal Tackett www.uppitysciencechick.com/
Keeping your baby awake when he’s tired during the day in the hope that he’ll sleep better at night usually results in an overtired, cranky baby. Babies need to nap and sleep, research shows that an overtired baby may find it more difficult to wind down at the end of the day.
Sit on your large gym ball with your little one and Gently bounce up and down , saves walking around and comforts baby. Pelvic floor practice while sitting on your ball is comfortable and no one know what you are up to.
Parenting, a job where no 2 days are ever the same , the trying days will be as short lived as the best days and at most will be similar for 48 hours. The best medicine in rocky times is often to share with someone in the same boat. Seek out mum and baby groups by popping in antenatally or dropping for a short while to see how you feel about going along regularly.
Take stock, you’re a few weeks in and doing a great job, broken nights take their toll. Your baby has only ever known a 24 hour clock, instead of thinking how you can change them, think perhaps how you can adapt. Sleep in the day when they nap, go to bed in the early evening to prepare for the night time feeds. Snack little and often to keep your energy levels up.
Friends and family are great if they ask ” what can I do do?” Have a list of jobs handy. The supportive people will gladly help and if you ask and you don’t see some of them again they weren’t there for you .
Seeking the indulgence of A-few hours by yourself? Here a few different options for different budgets Budget :Why not ask your partner to take your little one out of the house so you can chill, have a bath etc. High street: Treat yourself to a massage at a local beauty salon book a baby sitter and go to the pictures Splurge: Some new underwear to help you feel back to your old self. Totally extravagant: A weekend away , wining and dining in a wonderful hotel Week 1 The hormonal highs and lows of the first week can seem like a roller coaster ride of emotions and you are adjusting to being a family.
Mummy you are really important! You will be amazed how quickly you know your baby’s smell,cry and touch and within days your little one will have a preference for you and your smell. You are a team and no one can replace you! So be confident you know your baby best.
It’s perfectly normal to make exagerated faces and sounds when chatting to your baby. This is known to attract their attention and therefore enhances their communication and is the first step toward developing speech and language
Sometimes helping others actually makes you feel better in yourself. Maybe explore voluntary groups in your area that might benefit from your experiences e.g NCT and Baby Cafe or at your local Childrens Centre. Its sometimes nice to use your skills and do something different from being mum!
Research from http://www.cpcs.org.uk/index.php?page=about-cpcs Caring for a baby takes up an additional 35-40 hours per week on average. Infant crying is the most distressing aspect of baby care Up to 50% of women and 20% men feel less sexually responsive in the 6-12months after the birth of a baby. You are not alone, don’t be hard on yourself! Maybe meeting up with other mums and sharing how you are all feeling might lighten the load.
It can be hot and sticky holding your little one in hot weather. Why not try wetting down a muslin square and laying it between you and baby to keep you both cool. A great little tool, muslins can be used for a multiple of things, including pinned over your pram or used as a blanket on the grass.
Sometimes its hard to be brave and speak up about feeling low. Perhaps share this poem with someone you trust as a way of sharing how you feel. Does this poem sound like you? http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2012/12/15/the-hole-a-poem-about-ppd/
A lovely idea! Why not write to your unborn baby, telling them what you have been up to whilst they are bump on board or how you are feeling about introducing them to the family. Here is a fab example to get you started. http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2013/01/08/a-mothers-letter-to-her-unborn-baby-birth-story-to-follow/
Take time to fall in love with your partner again. It sometimes takes more effort to make time, but nothing changes if nothing changes. Start by telling each other what you thought of them the moment you met and create a little laughter to get the ball rolling,
Latest update on bed sharing from www.isisonline.org.uk says ‘we use the term normal infant sleep for what is biologically expected for humans.’ Here is their response to the recent news from Carpenter et al 2013 in BMJ Open http://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/new-design-website/media-centre/media-centre-bmj-bed-sharing
It’s easy to lose the plot when you are so tired! Here are a few wise words from the book ‘No Cry Sleep Solutions’ by Elizabeth Pantly – We wouldn’t leave a young child alone for 10 minutes during the day so how can we expect a little one to be totally independent for 12 hours from 7pm to 7am.’
You may want to consider contraception early on after your little one arrives unless you feel you are ready for a small gap in age between your children. Check out this link: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception-guide/pages/when-contraception-after-baby.aspx
Sometimes called an angel kiss or port wine stain. Check out this informative short video: http://www.nhs.uk/video/Pages/portwine-birthmarks.aspx?searchtype=&searchterm=&offset=17&
Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better To paint a picture or write a letter, Bake a cake or plant a seed, Ponder the difference between want and need? Dust if you must, but there’s not much time, With rivers to swim and mountains to climb, Music to hear, and books to read, Friends to cherish and life to lead. Dust if you must, but the world’s out there, With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair, A flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come round again. Dust if you must, but bear in mind, Old age will come and it’s not kind. And when you go – and go you must – You, yourself, will make more dust. ~ Rose Milligan Originally Published in The Lady (1998)
Do you feel comfortable with the carer/s? Are they easy to talk to and do they listen to what you are saying? You need to be able to work closely and trust the person or people you have left your little one with. If it doesn’t feel right trust your instincts!
It’s fine having lots of toys but. Is t here someone who is able to be with your baby and show them the possibilities of the toys and playthings. Babies are sociable and enquiring mammals and need the kind of play that is stimulating and appropriate to their age and development.
Is there a special person who will be the main carer for your baby while you are not there? Babies need continuity and stability and a regular carer with whom they can build a trusting warm relationship. This will not replace you in your babies affections. Babies like all humans are capable of making warm. Loving relationships with a number of people but they have only one primary carer and that is usually mum, and she is irreplaceable.
This a minefield particularly if you need to go to work outside the home . The quality of your child are is what matters the most. You ,may want to write a list of your priorities which may help you decide what child are is right for your little one and your family. Ask around , word of mouth may be useful but other parents may have different priorities you you.
This is a tough one and each parent will have their own views. Please remember your situation is unique and your baby is unique so what suits your friend’s baby may not suit yours.
Maybe ask mums what coping strategies they used when they went back to work. Perhaps chat to other mums about your concerns, you will probably find you share the same worries
0-2 months – discomfort cries (for mum and baby sometimes!) 2-4months – pleasure sounds 4-9months – babbling mmm, bbb and ddd 9-12 months – vocalisation with meaning da, ma 12-15 months – first words dada, dog (ref: M Sheridan From Birth to Five Years 2008)
It’s a difficult balancing act being mum. Getting help can sometimes enable you to be the mum you want to be, until you get back on your feet. If it’s offered say yes
Don’t let little worries sit in your mind whilst waiting for baby, as little worries have a habit of taking over when you least expect. Share them with someone you trust and seek the right knowledge and support to help you feel in control.
It maybe that your birth partner has had a completely different experience to mum at the birth. If your partner is feeling a little shell shocked it maybe they need to debrief the experience. Check out this link: http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/help.htm
If you are feeling a little wobbly on and off whether pregnant or have a new baby, hormones often play a role. Feelings normally peak and trough but if you feel that your roller coaster is only heading downwards try to talk to someone you trust about seeking support.
Want to tailor help to suit you, when all you are hearing is ‘why don’t you try’ from friends and family. Its hard to adjust to new roles, be strong and lead the way! Let others know gently you and your little one have had a chat and your baby likes things just the way they are x
Every parents worst nightmare. Knowing what to watch out for is the first layer of protection. You can speak to experienced staff on freephone helpline, available 24-hours a day: 0808 80 10 388 Check out this link: www.meningitis.org
It may feel like everyone else is having an easier time than you. Hang in there, no one has perfect, their up maybe coinciding with your down. Next week it may be the other way round. It’s better if you take turns so you can support each other
Check out our Pinterest page that has lots of positive statements to keep you going x http://pinterest.com/babywisdom/positive-thinking/ http://ow.ly/ef8AQ
A lovely quote from mum to mum ‘It is completely normal to not feel that ‘rush of love’ after birth, especially a traumatic one. My son is now nearly 3 months old and I feel like I love him more and more everyday as I get to know him better as his personality is really shining through now x
‘when you become a mother you wear your heart outside of your body’. Lovely and so true!
Check out this link: http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/ask-heidi/bilingual-children.aspx
What a gift! Check out this link that tells you a bit about how baby’s absorb two languages http://www.whattoexpect.com/wom/baby/0219/bilingual-babies-can-pick-up-grammar-rules-by-7-months.aspx?xid=fb_wte#
Baby’s do a huge amount of growth and development in the first two years of their life. Their sleep pattern is all part of this. Sleeping in a light sleep state is also a means of survival. Check out the reviews on the book ‘No Cry Sleep Solution’ by Elizabeth Pantley all about helping develop your baby’s sleep pattern gently http://www.mumsnet.com/reviews/books/parenting/14330-no-cry-sleep-solution
A lovely video clip that tells you about the lovely way your singing supports your baby’s development. Check outhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-SizqK_0AI&list=UUe0KaiBQmIVUNd0qPLN4SAQ
Check out this lovely page that tells you all about bonding with your little one through music http://musicalbabybonding.com
Check out this article that tells you how singing can support your little one’s language development http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/may/08/singing-children-development-language-skills
Why not try a regular daily massage for your baby before bedtime. It can promote relaxation and make it easier for babies to fall asleep http://www.iaim.org.uk/benefits-of-baby-massage.htm
Bedtime routines provide a comforting pattern that help babies wind down creating the best conditions for sleep. Many babies enjoy a warm relaxed bath, maybe with mum and dad, just before bedtime. ( if you have a bath with your baby remember to have another adult with you to help.)
A nights sleep for a little baby = about five hours. this may seem like unimagined luxury at the moment. learning your baby’s sleepy time cues/signs can prevent her becoming overtired and difficult to settle. Check out this link: http://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/15-ways-to-help-your-baby-sleep
Dads doing it for mamas and themselves Bit of fun but the messages are sound and you’ll be her hero http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=relmfu&v=5X3G-pe42dw
Great visuals of how to give a mama a lovely massage, if that’s what she wants, and positions which may help her and her baby during labour. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=63pM0oQjT_Q
How to massage a labouring mama http://www.pregnancyclasses.co.uk/docs/Massage%20and%20breathing%20techniques%20during%20labour.doc
Often the hardest thing to do is ask for help. Think of it as a way to go it alone quicker. Someone getting a bit of shopping, holding the baby whilst you have a shower or just popping in for a chat, can really make the difference and makes the helper feel good to!
Feeling cheated? Even your closest friends didn’t tell you about the realities of having a baby. Truth is when you are pregnant its hard to think beyond the birth for you and for them. Lean on those who love you and let them know how you feel! Look after your self first, your baby needs you to be well and OK
Not surprising, your body has just gone through a huge physical and hormonal change and added to which you now have that little bundle to care for twenty four seven. Be kind to yourself take a moment to step back. Deep breath, one day at a time. In a week look back and see how far you’ve come.
Its true even hugging yourself can give you a boost of Oxytocin the feel good hormone. So don’t hold back if there is no one around to give you a hug, help yourself. Check out this link www.self-compassion.org
Love my baby but don’t want another one this year! Refresh your thinking about contraception. There are 15 types of contraception. Check out this link http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Contraception/Pages/Guidetocontraception.aspx
Hum a happy tune, Singing and humming helps to shift our brain activity from the left to the right side of our brain. This signals to the brain to start removing our stress hormone , cortisol, according to Dr Susan Andrews. Download your favourite songs for your personal playlist.
Promise yourself a bit more me time, even if it is just a few moments here and there. When you feel tension in your neck – sit tall, pull your tummy in and roll your shoulders backwards 5 times. Do it slowly while taking deep breaths and see how good it feels. Check out http://www.pilatesod.com/bumps-and-mums/third-trimester/
Remember to take a memorable photo to see in the New Year, whether its mum with a bump, baby with a smile or newborn snoozing. A moment saved and cherished forever. x
You may be relieved or disappointed its over, either way you are probably quite weary. Be kind to yourself, time for a day on the sofa! The jobs can wait another day, remember Father Christmas rests up for a whole year before he gets going again!
Remember to take photos of those special moments amid the chaos! Your baby having their first Christmas dinner, sitting on Nana’s lap or snoozing amid the wrapping paper. Kids love to see photos of themselves when they are older even if they don’t remember attending the event. Enjoy x
Enjoy every moment with your little bundle and remember to take a moment to pat yourself on the back whilst everyone fusses around your baby! You are doing a fantastic job!! Very Merry wishes to all!! xxx
Whether you’re carrying your bump or busy looking after your little bundle it’s easy to forget about your own body. Remember to make time for yourself and take a moment to think about your posture – Try to keep your knees soft when you’re standing and pull your tummy in to avoid excessive arching of the lower back. Check out http://www.pilatesod.com/classes/class-036/
A little dot of nail varnish on one of their nails might help you identify who is who in the early days. Not long and you will know them by their little characters x
little ones don’t know it’s Christmas and family and friends may be keen to buy all manner of gifts. To avoid being swamped in plastic and running out of storage space, make a gift list if items your little needs( no matter what you will always be bought an irritating, noisy unbreakable toy!)
You may find your emotional suitcase starts to unpack itself and a jumble of emotions arrive with it alongside the birth of your baby. Often this is influenced by how we have been parented ourself and is different for everybody. This is a really good time to address anything that is bothering or causing concern. Ask your midwife, health visitor or GP for support so you clear the path to being the parent you want to be.
Dental care and prescriptions are free for all mums during pregnancy and for a year after you little one is born. Here is a link for more information on these and other benefits, call it financial easing. http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/maternity-paternity-leave-benefits.aspx#close
All babies are lovely and we love them. Managing a baby and finances can be a tricky issue. Are you getting all the financial help your are entitled to? http://www.midwivesonline.com/parents/parents1//521
Lots of positivity here for mum as well as babies Feeling closer to your baby Gaining a deeper understanding of your baby’s behaviour, crying and body Fun time with your baby Mum becomes relaxed as an effects of giving your baby a massage Increased confidence as a new mum www.IAIM.org.uk